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I'm In Love With My Friend
Monday Jul 17, 2006.
By econfidant
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I've been in love with a friend of mine for a long time. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I want to ask her out, but I'm afraid it'll be too soon. But if I wait too long someone else will beat me to it! What do I do?
You're right, this is a delicate situation. I know you'd like to seize the chance to tell this girl about your feelings before she starts seeing someone else, but there's another important factor here, and that's that this girl might need some time to recover. I can tell that you really care about her because you are already taking her feelings into account. If you are friends, I imagine that you've spoken with her during her recent breakup, which means you probably have a pretty good idea of how she's feeling right now. She may be feeling sad and vulnerable, or angry. The important thing at the moment is for you to provide the support that she needs right now. In doing so, you'll also be able to gauge when she is ready to start dating again. You'll notice that she isn't talking about her ex quite as much, that she's laughing a little more than she did immediately after the breakup, and that she is starting to act interested in other guys. Then, you can consider asking her out. Even if you feel confident that she's truly ready to begin a new relationship, there are other things to consider: Will she feel that she's lost your friendship? Will you be able to continue being her friend even if she doesn't return your feelings? If and when you do decide to tell your friend about your feelings for her, it will help if you acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. Tell her exactly what you told me: your feelings compel you to ask her out, but you worry that it's too soon. If you decide that you'd like to remain friends regardless of her response, reassure her of that.
Good luck, Have a question about your one-true-love or latest fling that you just can't share with your friends? Rachel Begelman and Sarna Lee founded econfidant.com to give you the smart, one-on-one advice you need. You can ask that single pressing question or sign up to ask unlimited questions. Read more about econfidant. Have a question for econfidant.com? Ask it here...they'll answer one question from a Centerstage reader each week.
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